that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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