Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
