just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
