i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
40s are totally the cure
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The power of my boobs compel you
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
