is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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