I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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