Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
