I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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