Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
it glows. i had to have it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
