Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
