yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
