Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
