Swine flu. Run for my life!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
