Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
