Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
