But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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