I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
