You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We're facebook friends in real life
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
