dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
