you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
