I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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