You're completely useless in the revolution.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we made out on top of his cat.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
