CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
