Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Randomize
