I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
