I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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