Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
