help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
