thus making me awesome and them whores
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
