I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
