So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
