Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
