Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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