the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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