eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
