I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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