The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
