How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
