My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
