put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
