Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
