please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
i believe in u and ur pee
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
