I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
