I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
