I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
