I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
