I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
