WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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