Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
