Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
